Your heart is breaking ‘cos it’s all falling apart…

Your marriage is in crisis because your spouse has hurt you or betrayed you and you are desperately thinking, “What can help save my marriage, because it seems like it is all falling apart…!”

You are feeling alone and vulnerable, not knowing what will happen next, and whether your relationship will survive or not. I know that it is small consolation, but you are not alone.

Sadly, many people are in the same situation as you. Still that doesn’t answer your immediate need to get some help for your marriage.

You can click here for help now, learn how to save your marriage

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However, to find a way out of your relationship problems, you will need to do what you can do, and the best place to begin is with you.

You can start helping your relationship, by looking at yourself and how your input has affected your marriage recently. You may not have been behaving as you would like because you had been reacting to your partner’s behavior, and that has colored your conversations in a negative shade. How you behave will reflect on your interactions and can predispose your marriage to struggles.

If your goal is to save your marriage, here are three things that you should NOT do in a marriage in crisis:

Help Save My Marriage Tip 1 – Play the Victim

Playing the Victim is not Cool

When you are feeling hurt by your partner, it is the easiest thing in the world to slot into a ‘victim mentality.’ Especially when it is something serious such as having an affair or fraudulent behavior, it is so tempting to feel aggrieved and feel sorry for your-self. You want to tell all your friends and get some sympathy, but in the end it will not resolve your issues, and you will lose self-respect as well as the respect of those around you, including your spouse.

The best thing to do is choose to rise above it. This means taking responsibility for your actions and your response to these issues. The only thing you can change in this situation is you and your responses; how you handle this will determine how your marriage survives.

Help Save My Marriage Tip 2 – Stay Angry

Don’t Let the Sun Set on Your Anger

Holding onto your anger will make sure whatever the issue is, it will get worse. You will begin a ‘cold war’ between you and make it hard for your spouse to ask for forgiveness. Instead they will probably feel justified and stop feeling sorry about what they had done to hurt you. Your partner will begin to get angry with you as you keep your grudge going and in the end they will either blow up, or walk away – most likely for good! In the meantime, you are stuck in your anger and it will color everything you do and everything you say, and every relationship you have in the present and the future, until you do something about it.

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Forgiveness is something that releases two people from becoming stuck and affected by anger. If you want to begin the healing process between you, then you must learn to forgive and let go, otherwise that which you hold onto will control you on every level. It may feel like an insurmountable barrier to forgive a wounding hurt, but until you do, you won’t heal – and neither will you free your spouse to truly feel sorry and ask you for forgiveness.

Once you are here, you will have the energy and freedom to find a way through your awful situation. Forgiving does not mean you forget or that you are not responsible but it gives you both an open door to walk through so you can begin to mend your broken relationship.

Help Save My Marriage Tip 3 – Judge and Jury – Guilty, Guilty, Guilty!

You crossed the line, girlie.. You’re Guilty!

Here you will blame and judge your partner for what happened. They were wrong and you need your spouse to know that they were wrong, that he or she should have known better, so what were they thinking?! You would never do what they did, how could they? You don’t believe them when he/she says that they never intended to do what they did, it just happened, and it could happen to anyone.

The thing is that if you really want an answer to your question, “What can help save my marriage?” you will not judge your partner ‘guilty,’ because it could have happened to you. You have made mistakes in your life too, and more than likely in this relationship, so have some understanding of where your spouse is at. The more you can see things from their perspective the better chance you have of healing your marriage. After all, you would want them to treat you with kindness and understanding if you had made a big blunder…

So… that it is what NOT to do…

Don’t judge, don’t be a victim and don’t hold onto the hurt!

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Instead…

There is light at the end of the tunnel – you can get there together

Be as kind and understanding, ready to forgive, as you would want your love to be with you if you stuffed up, and let’s face it, no-one is perfect, we all make mistakes, and we all need someone to give us another chance.

Reaching happiness and creating a precious loving marriage comes through adversity. As someone said to me today, “What doesn’t kill you will only make you stronger,” and you can use this time of trouble to get closer together as you work on making things better.

When you are asking what can help save my marriage, the simple answer is – you can!

If you are stuck, but you are willing to find out how to make it better, don’t be afraid to get some help.

There is some great information available to teach you how to save your marriage – right here!

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5 Tips on How to Work on a Marriage When it’s a Marriage in Crisis

It came as a surprise… You thought your partner and you were all good, but suddenly you have a marriage in crisis and you did not see it coming! Yes, you were fighting a little bit more recently, but don’t all marriages go through a few rough spots?

Get step by step help in rebuilding your marriage in crisis

Maybe everything has seemed fine until now, but unexpectedly your partner blurts out they have been having an affair; or another one that creeps up on couples is when you just drift apart and you don’t have that same closeness you used to have.

Whatever the reason, you are feeling unsettled as you try to figure out how to work on a marriage in crisis, or whether you can. Your feelings may range from sad and scared, to mad and humiliated, and everything in between. You may just feel so overwhelmed that you don’t know what to do or where to begin.

If you don’ t have a clue where to begin, these 5 tips may help you:

Tip 1 – Step Back from the Situation

When a couple is in a marriage in crisis, they feel like they cannot ‘see the forest for the trees’ and they need to get some perspective on their situation. Spending some time apart helps them to individually sort out their feelings, and time to discover what the real issues are and what some of the solutions might be.

This time is also useful for reflecting on your relationship and deciding whether or not your marriage is what you want it to be, and how you can work on your marriage to fix it. You also have the freedom to decide if you want your marriage to continue or not. If things have been really bad then perhaps it is time to choose to stay or go, although a lot of thought needs to go into this before calling it quits. Hopefully, this option is a last resort.

Tip 2 – Get Counseling Help

Seeing a counselor can help when you are hitting a ‘brick wall’ and don’t seem to be making any progress, either individually or as a couple. When a marriage in crisis has turned your whole world upside down and you cannot make any headway, you may benefit from having someone safe to talk to, to sound off to and get things out verbally. This can help you see clearly what is happening and very often the right solution comes to you as you unravel the mess inside your head. A therapist is usually better than friends or family as they have expertise in their field and are impartial. They keep your information confidential and you generally will not see them in your circle of friends, which is usually a great relief.

Share honestly and openly with each other

Tip 3 – Be Upfront and Honest with Your Spouse

Unfortunately when things are bad between you, your communication is also at an all-time low and it will have been quite hard to share what you really feel or want. It seems too risky, afraid that you will say something that will be taken the wrong or way, or make things unbearable. So you both watch what you say and don’t really address the actual issue/s.

Sometimes all it takes is one of you being willing to risk being honest and sharing their true feelings, taking care to be sensitive to your partner and sharing in as kind a way as possible.

Of course, there are no guarantees that it will work. Both of you are going to have to want to at least try. Only you will know if there is a chance it will work and whether you are willing to give it a go.

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